I wrote a feature about UAAP for FHM, and it includes a wrap-up of season 72 and a sneak preview of season 73. Also, corny jokes:

UE Red Warriors

Looking back: UE had a fun run through Season 72, led by the spectacular Paul Lee and the solid frontcourt of Elmer Espiritu, Pari Llagas, and Val Acuña. The Warriors gave Ateneo a good scare in the Finals with a huge game 2 victory, but faded away in game 3.

Looking forward: Espiritu, Llagas, and Acuña will be leaving the team, which means that UE’s front line will be paper-thin, unless coach Lawrence Chongson is able to recruit quality big men. Chongson, meanwhile, has enough guards in his rotation to start a security agency.

Analysis: While both Chongson and fellow Tsinoy coach Alfrancis Chua rock the long hair, the UE mentor should consider asking Chua for hair care advice. Chua has nice, moisturized locks while Chongson’s hair is dry.

Read the whole thing at FHM.

Even the Inquirer couldn’t get a straight answer from FEU team officials and members of the team. Coach Glenn Capacio says he doesn’t know where Mark Barroca is, while JR Cawaling says that the superstar guard is out with the flu. A team staff member said that Barroca was suffering from an unspecified injury, even as athletic director Mark Molina and team manager Anton Montinola are refraining from giving any statements at this moment.

Rick Olivares broke the story a couple of days ago and fiercely defended the Smart Gilas co-captain from allegations of game-fixing. Then again, Olivares, who is known to be close to the Smart Gilas and the SBP hierarchy, also fiercely defended the SBP during the Japeth Aguilar issue against insinuations of meddling, and we all know how that turned out.

UPDATE: Barroca’s manager confirms that he’s out of the team, and will concentrate on Smart Gilas (and his studies) instead. Rey Joble gets another scoop. I still hope that FEU officials continue the investigation, both for their sake and for Barroca's.

I am a huge fan of Slate's series of How To Fake Your Way Cocktail Chatter series. I am expressly acknowledging that I am ripping them off in this post. Enjoy.

So your officemates are all talking about the UAAP Final Four over lunch, but you don’t know Jai Reyes from Cristine Reyes? Here’s a handy guide for everyone who wants to be instant college basketball experts.

ATENEO BLUE EAGLES vs. UST GROWLING TIGERS

The skinny on the Eagles: Ateneo has been the best team in the UAAP for the past two seasons, and they’ve been doing it differently from every other good team in college basketball: by playing conservatively. On defense, Ateneo is committed to staying in front of their men rather than gambling for steals, while Norman Black coaches a very conservative offense predicated on getting Rabeh Al-Husseini the ball on the block or Eric Salamat creating off the dribble, then kicking out to shooters like Jai Reyes and Eman Monfort. They don’t force turnovers, but with their hellish interior defense anchored on frontcourt demon Nonoy Baclao, they get enough opportunities to run off rebounds. Ateneo also has the deepest team in the league; if this were poker, you know that Manny Pangilinan’s darlings are playing with the big pile.

The skinny on the Tigers: UST is led by a ragtag band of gunners starring MVP Dylan Ababou, reed-thin hotshot Khazim Mirza, and super rookie Jeric Teng. But throughout the tournament, the Tigers have shown that they don’t have enough ammunition for the big gunfights, collapsing time and again in the important games. They’ll ride Ababou’s hot hands as long as they can, but they’ve always fallen short all season long. There’s not enough reason to think that results in the Final Four would be different.

Conversation starter: “Sure, Rabeh Al-Husseini gets all the ink, but Baclao’s defense and rebounding is the real key to the success of the Eagles.”

Conversation stopper: “Sure, ‘Desperado’ gets all the ink, but ‘New Kid in Town’ rocks and is the real gem in the catalogue of the Eagles.”

My friend Jason from J.walking covers stuff like the recent Ms. Universe pageant with the same intensity that the boys from Patay ang Butiki cover college basketball. He attended Sunday’s cheerdance competition, rooting for the UP Pep Squad, and he gave perhaps the best, most sober analysis of the event on his blog:

UP's routine is a salute to the Iskolar ng Bayan, as UP students are called. There are details that only UP students would know about, and could've alienated the judges; i.e., the Bluebook, the ikot/toki jeepney, the song "Hari ng Sablay," and the cheer "Bayan, Bayan, Bayan Ko." A risky move yes, but one that endeared them all the more to UP folks, if ever that was still possible. So thank you, UP Pep Squad, for taking that risk.

The degree of difficulty in their stunts was so high, and coupled with the many UP icons peppering all over the place, they seemed to have lost focus and wasn't able to pack a lot of punch in a concise routine, which they did in their last two competition pieces. And as mentioned, there were the mistakes, although the TV camera didn't catch the others.

Meanwhile, FEU may have floundered during rehearsals but they perfected the routine competition time, hence they were clearly the champions.

They were inspired by the Sarimanok. (I, together with a lot of folks, have a lot of problem with this because FEU's official mascot is the tamaraw. But that shouldn't get in the way of the cheering stunts they executed perfectly).

Underdogs Ateneo swept the rug under UP's feet after presenting a flawless routine with a degree of difficulty (almost) akin to UP's 2007 championship piece. Grabe, literal na wala silang mali.

He also noted the background of the judges, and how it affected how the routines were scored:

I also noted that the judges, with the exception of Powerdance's Douglas Nierras, were all from nationally and internationally sanctioned cheerleading associations; they would look at the performances at a technical perspective. Hence, I had an inkling on how the rankings would look like.

He also posted video of Ateneo’s and UP’s performance, so go read his post now.

The Far Eastern University Cheering Squad is this year’s surprise winner of the UAAP Cheerdance Competition. FEU is the host school for the UAAP this year.

The Ateneo de Manila Blue Babble Battalion bagged second place with a Michael Jackson-inspired set. Ateneo hottie Sari Campos won a special award for being, well, a hottie.

The UP Pep Squad, the two-time defending champion, was relegated to third place.

Here’s the thing: I know nothing about cheerdance. I just like watching for the cheerleaders in their skirts.

So I asked my friend Maureen what she thought of the routines, as she was watching the show with her friends. She asked me, “Question, ‘di ba Boom Gonzales is kinda short? And Megan Young’s tall? He’s probably on a platform right now.” That’s when I knew I had the right person for the job.

Anyway, her quick thoughts about what went on this afternoon:

Adamson: “I *think* Adamson were samurais? But it’s like they just decided to overwhelm the crowd with props, everything kept falling. Even the all-important stunts.”

National University: “Inokray ng friends ko, but I said it’s a marked improvement over the last 5 years.”

University of Sto. Tomas: “UST has a fire theme, which I didn’t get until my friend Giya said it was fire theme. The girls are in gladiator sandals, the boys in harem pants, mala-Hammer Time.”

De La Salle University: “My friends said, ‘Ooh, tribal din sila.’ I said, ‘Ha? Mukhang court jester.’ Tama ako, court jester nga. Are they trying to live up to their laughingstock image? At least no spelling errors this year. And the belly-jiggling, what was that all about? The ones they put in the front center weren’t completely toned pa.”

University of the Philippines: “May UP IKOT! I hope it works. OMGGGGGGGGG! ANG GALING! OMGGGGGGGGGGGGG! WALA AKONG MASABI!”

(Note: You can guess which school she came from.)

Ateneo de Manila University: “I like the concept of the MJ tribute, but the execution sucks! Hahaha, sorry! Parang noontime variety show. My friends liked the moonwalk, maybe I missed the good parts while typing. My friends asked, ‘What is AMDG? Ano yun, hindi naman nila school ang AMDG ah.’ She had to Google what AMDG meant.”

University of the East: “BAT MAY JEEP DIN ANG UE?! Is their campus big enough na they use jeeps inside?! Sabi ng taga-Ateneo friend ko, yan daw sinakyan nila going to Araneta. Kups!”

Far Eastern University: “Pwede! They’re doing stunts UP used to do. I just don’t see why FEU has a big bird! Tamaraws nga sila di ba? Sabi ng friend ko dapat nagdala sila ng Tamaraw FX.”

On the winner: “WTF! LUTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WEIRDEST RESULTS EVER????”


Anyway, to end this post on a happier note, here’s UP courtside reporter Erika Flores, just because.



Photo from UP Fighting Maroons