Kobe Bryant applying some kryptonite to Superman's nuts.

Game 5 won't be until tomorrow, and whether you're rooting for Kobe to win his first ring without Shaq or praying for a miraculous Magic comeback, one thing's certain: Stan Van Gundy's sweaty performance in the post-game press conference would be every bit as compelling as the actual game.

Speaking of press conferences, the Blowtorch has a handy guide on how to look like your favorite NBA personalities during their media sessions. This is genius. I need to find a way to rip this off.

While we're on the subject of bad outfits, Kareem Abdul-Jabbar's legendary jacket reappears, and the Lakers legend tells us of its origins.

Basketbawful, as always, has a report on the worst of Game 4, starring the Pau Gasol-Mickael Pietrus catfight and the Magic chokejob.

If you're wondering why Dwight Howard's team choked monumentally in the game, then let me point you to his mentor: Mr. Patrick Ewing! This is an Onion report, and as with the best Onion stories, this one cuts to the truth very closely.

Magic backup center Marcin Gortat is too fast and too furious. Did you know that he can dunk from the free throw line? Unfortunately, video evidence on the Internet proves that the Polish Hammer is no Dr. J.

Oh, and the NBA has been all over the late night shows, with the Phoenix Suns and the Denver Nuggets playing the Newlywed Game (or as we Pinoys know it, It's a Date) on Jimmy Kimmel, and then getting Dwyane Wade to punk a fan. Steve Nash, meanwhile, made this hilarious report for David Letterman on game 3 of the Finals, showing off the comedic chops we've come to know and love:



After the jump, some older Nash funnies, including one with Ali G (Sacha Baron Cohen aka Borat/Bruno), as he proves his mettle as the two-time MP3.

No wonder the Orlando Magic lost. It's bad enough that they've been using Nick Anderson to fire up their crowd--think Dwight Howard muffing clutch free throws is a coincidence?--but during halftime of Game 4, Hulk Hogan came out to mug to the crowd, while wearing Hayden Kho's red bandana:

Some thoughts on the first two games of the NBA Finals, while chewing on the latest political wisdom from the great Rez Cortez.

- Kobe Bryant played a masterful game 1, and bailed the Lakers out in the biggest moments of game 2, but I can't get over Kobe's stupid scowl. Hey, look at me, I'm the best player in the world, I want to win the championship more than anyone in the world, I'm such a badass, look at me. Grrrr. What a phony. I feel dirty just watching him behave like that. And the media just won't get off the guy's nuts. As Simmons noted, this might be hell.

- By the way, ESPN's Tim Keown totally nailed this last month, during the Houston series:

Hey, Kobe, we know you're great. You know you're great. Shane Battier knows you're great. How about letting someone else say it first every once in a while? The way it works now, you're telling us so often that we're getting tired of it. Let us be the judge of whether someone can or cannot guard you. It's pretty self-explanatory, to Doug Collins and everybody else.

You see, I want to be able to enjoy Kobe's talent. I want to see it the way I see LeBron's: transcendent, mostly pure and emanating outward. It probably will never happen, though. Kobe won't let it.

For a guy with such a constant flow of creativity running through his game, it's amazing to see how calculated he is about his image. He comes across as though he's reading a script, and he's all wrong for the part (maybe Alan Alda reading a part meant for Harvey Keitel). There are just too many false notes, and the worst part is, he actually seems to believe this is what people want from him. This is the persona he has cultivated, and he's going with it no matter what. It's really kind of sad.

- I was surfing between the game and the live broadcast of WWE's Extreme Rules PPV, where Jeff Hardy beat Edge in an epic ladder match before losing the title a few minutes later to CM Punk, who cashed in his Money in the Bank contract. I wish the NBA were more like the WWE, so that Lamar Odom could turn on Kobe and hit him with a steel chair after another scowl.

It's the Finals, baby! If you haven't done your reading, then take the next few hours to cram with the following items, before you get back to wondering whether Baron Geisler really jerked off in front of Yasmien Kurdi.

ESPN's Bill Simmons answers questions from some people you may know, sums up the whole playoffs, and previews the NBA Finals.

Basketbawful hits the wayback machine and writes about all of the awfulness from Orlando's first trip to the Finals back in 1995. Nick Anderson fail!

J.A. Adande checks in at ESPN with a piece pondering what this series means for Paquito Diaz Kobe Bryant and his legacy.

Washington Post's Mike Wise takes a look at the journey of Orlando's Rafer Alston, and his alter ego, streetball pioneer Skip to My Lou.

Basketball Prospectus stats guru Kevin Pelton looks behind the numbers to give what might be the most well-thought preview of the NBA Finals. He also spells Mickael Pietrus' name with an umlaut.

Tim Kawakami of the San Jose Mercury News interviews Lakers GM Mitch Kupchak, who defends his team from accusations that they're a bunch of softies.

The excellent Lakers blog Forum Blue and Gold breaks down the Magic offense, and talks specifically about how to contain the Hedo Turkoglu/Dwight Howard pick-and-roll. I agree that the Magic are at their most lethal when they run that as Rashard Lewis cuts to the top of the key, with slow power forwards chasing him.

On the other coast, Orlando Magic Daily dispels some myths about the team, myths that are usually generated by "experts" who haven't seen much of the Magic all season.

Whit Watson, an Orlando Magic broadcaster, recounts his experience back in 1995, during Orlando's first Finals trip. He thought that it was the beginning of a dynasty, but it was the beginning of the end. He's hoping things turn out better this time.

And finally, the Lakers blog from the LA Times sums up the Lamar Odom candygate.

The Los Angeles Lakers booked the first seat to the NBA Finals after routing the Denver Nuggets, 119-92, last Friday. A day later, the Orlando Magic sent LeBron James and the Cleveland Cavaliers packing with an impressive 103-92 victory.

The Western Conference Finals series was maddening to watch. As much as I like rooting against the Kobe Bryant and the Lakers, it was just so hard to get behind a team as dumb as the Nuggets. They kept making dumb plays, risking dumb passes, taking dumb shots, and generally just playing dumb basketball. The team must have a collective basketball IQ of about 17, and that's even considering the addition of steady floor general Chauncey Billups.

Oh and the Lakers were steady, and Pau Gasol and Lamar Odom dominated the Nuggets frontline, and Kobe was awesome, etc.

I feel sorry for LeBron, who was nothing short of spectacular in the Eastern Conference Finals. There were two things that did them in: first, Orlando was a terrible matchup for the Cavs, and second, Cleveland's Mike Brown decided to coach the series with a noose around his neck.

Let's talk about the matchups first. Sure, Dwight Howard was a monster, but it was the Magic's forward line of Hedo Turkoglu and Rashard Lewis that killed the Cavs. It wasn't a coincidence that Rashard Lewis hit the game-winning three over Anderson Varejao (who gave him a ton of space) in game 1, or that Hedo Turkoglu hit the go-ahead basket over Sasha Pavlovic in game 2 before LeBron James hit the game-winner. The Cavs only have one athletic swingman with size, and that's LeBron James, so Turkoglu and Lewis were able to wreak havoc in the perimeter and in the post. You've got Delonte West wrestling with the much bigger Turkoglu and Ben Wallace and Varejao chasing around Lewis all game long, and it was chaos for the Cavs defense. It wouldn't have been a problem if Wally Szczerbiak were still alive.