Fortunately (or unfortunately), it's not that kind of movie. Four-time PBA Most Valuable Player (and all-around good guy) Alvin Patrimonio actually plays Katrina Halili's father in the new movie Dalaw. The movie also stars Patrimonio's daughter Christine, who is herself making waves in the sporting scene as a budding tennis star.

As a diehard Purefoods fan, I am only too aware of the suckitude of Alvin Patrimonio's showbiz career.

In Last Two Minutes, Alvin starred alongside Jerry Codinera and Paul Alvarez as bumbling utility men in a university (Alvin was a janitor, Jerry drove the school bus, and Paul was a gardener) who didn't know how to play basketball. They help an old lady who gives them an old leather basketball... which is actually an enchanted artifact that turns into Mahal. The ball helps them become good players, and they lead the varsity team (coached by Roderick Paulate) to the championship. I saw this one in the theater (I think it was the Metro Manila Filmfest).

After a couple of years, he was in Dobol Dribol with Maricel Soriano and Aiza Seguerra. In the movie, Alvin is a superstar basketball player whose playboy lifestyle results in a curse that transforms him into Maricel. Because of the change, the old Alvin couldn't play for his team anymore, but Maricel is luckily able to track down a long-lost promdi twin brother (also played by Alvin), a widower who takes care of his daughter (Aiza). The only problem is, the new Alvin doesn't know how to play basketball, so Maricel teaches him how to play. Naturally, they end up falling in love, which is really gross when you think about it. I caught this one on TV a few years after it came out.

Then Alvin was in Tasya Fantasya. I stayed the hell away from this one because it involved the deadly combination of director Carlo J. Caparas and Patrimonio ex-girlfriend Kris Aquino, who had been working together in a series of biopics about various murders, earning Kris the title "Massacre Queen". This was before Kris turned into Oprah, and the move was a massive flop. Since I never saw it, I don't know how it went, but here's a guess: Alvin becomes team manager of his basketball team after retirement, while Kris ends up marrying that team's young new star player. How's that for a fantasy?