Writers often come up with all these “Cinderella goes to the Big Dance” analogies in any major sports tournament where a big underdog scores a few upsets against the heavy favorites. The dance that is the ongoing Asean Football Federation Suzuki Cup has officially found its Cinderella: the Philippine national football team, nicknamed the Azkals.

The team had an auspicious enough opening result after drawing 1-1 against Singapore, which was the equivalent of making goo-goo eyes at Prince Charming. And last night’s 2-0 upset against defending Suzuki Cup champion Vietnam? That was Cinderella giving the Prince a handjob in the men’s bathroom – it was thrilling, it was audacious, and it was a different kind of happy ending.



By now, thousands of other outlets have written about the match result, which the announcers called the greatest upset in the history of the tournament. You probably should go ahead and read those first, because they a) contain actual working knowledge of football; and, b) are free of any disturbing sexual analogies involving your favorite fairytale characters.


But if you will indulge me, here are a couple of thoughts about the game:

1. You know how people say that players like Steve Nash play basketball like they’re playing soccer (sige na nga, football)? They’re talking not just about the grace of the individuals but also the rhythm of “the beautiful game”; in the field, players travel in s-curves as opposed to the hardcourt, where players move in sharp z-cuts.
   
   Let me flip that comparison on its head because last night, the Azkals played football like they were playing a very specific kind of basketball, namely, the ugly, slowdown basketball of late ‘90s San Miguel teams coached by Ron Jacobs. The Beermen knew they didn’t quite have enough talent to match up with other teams, so they killed themselves on defense, drew the possessions out, and played very conservatively on offense – which was how the Azkals drew out the victory last night, parking the bus on defense for most of the game after Chris Greatwich’s first score. It not only worked, but it pissed the hell out of Vietnam’s coach, who refused to shake hands with Philippine coach Simon McMenemy after the match.


2. It was Greatwich and Phil Younghusband who scored the goals last night, but to my untrained eye, the best player in the game was goalkeeper Neil Etheridge, a 20-year-old English-Filipino who plays for Fulham FC in the English Premier League. He looked like a total stud out there. (Howie Severino even calls him “strapping.”) By the way, those are three key players who were all born in England; that’s one strategy to improve the national football team.

I’m happy with the victory, not least because I’ve seen my share of 7-0 and 5-0 blowouts against the Philippines in this tournament, from when it was still called the Tiger Cup. But more than that, the players deserve every ounce of glory for this win, and hopefully, they can go deeper into the tournament to stave off midnight. Back in the Philippines, there is the reality of the country’s football program mired deep in infighting, politics, and corruption. When the 12 o'clock bell tolls, there will be some really, really ugly pumpkins waiting for this Cinderella crew when they get back home.